I have been with this guy for 4 yrs. When I first meet him he was the man of my dreams, someone who wanted to take care of me, wants to be with me, and spend the rest of his life with me. If you would have asked me then was I ready to spend the rest of my life with this man I would have said yes and that I could wait. We were doing things right. Waiting til marriage, spending time together, growing in our relationship with God and encouraging each other to grow in our faith. I dreamed about walking down the aisle to him standing there with tears in his eyes as i walk down the aisle, holding my hands as they shake cause I am so excited but also at the same time so nervous wondering if I will make a good wife and motherhood his children. Wondering what's going on in his head and is he thinking and wondering about the same things I was. If you would have asked me then I would have said I am ready to take that leap of faith and together with God as the head we would make it.
But now. .. now is another story... I have been madly in love with what I thought was the man of my dreams but he is no longer in love with me. If you were to ask me if I am in love with him, I don't know if I could answer that. I love him and will always love him but the man I feel in love with I can't seem to find. It's funny when we started dating he played me a song "I'm at war" by Sean Kingston and lil Wayne. .. in the song it's says I'm at war fighting for the one I love and the one that I truly need... I feel like I have fought a war trying to find him... but now I feel I am sinking into quick sand trying to fight for something I can't seem to find and someone to help but I can't seem to locate the person I need help from... if you were to ask me today am I still how I was ... I would have to say we will see... I wish I was but now we will see...
All I know is I have God and if any of my relationships will work God has to be first and not last.
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