Broken Hallelujah

These last 4 years has been a year of tons of hardships that I am coming to grips like after 4 yrs of promises, its finally time to move on without that person. Time to stand on my own two feet and fight for my self and look for Gods wisdom and listen to what he has planned for me and what he wants for my life, (which for someone like me who is stubborn is not always that easy to do).

These last 4 yrs have taught me a lot about myself , what type of people I want in my life, what I will allow people to say and do in my life. I am going to take the bull by the horns finally.


I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes. The Afters " Broken Hallelujah"


When my relationship of the past 4 yrs came to a close I  heard this song and cried and cried. I felt like my life was crashing down all around me, I started to learn a lot of things that were going wrong in the relationship.  I felt the betrayal, my heart crushing into a million pieces, the hurt , the pain.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.


I had nothing left, my relationship over due to betrayal and figured out there was no loyalty from the person I thought I new. I remember looking up and asking God to help me figure out before the break up how to get out and when we broke up how to go forward and looking to God to help me.
I remember crying and saying to God I need you now and help me figure things out as I go forward from all of this.

 Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
On my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

I know that God will bring Joy from all that I have gone through. I will follow him and figure out life with God's help. I want to be happy and know that my happiness I will gain through God. 

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing
I will always sing
Here's my broken hallelujah. 

The Afters 

" Broken Hallelujah"

I love you forever....

To my little Princess,

Anber-lynn what a name that is. That name was nothing I liked at first but your daddy really liked it. You where a surprise that I was so happy about. I couldn't believe that God had blessed me again with another little joy like you. You were a very happy baby. When i told your dad that I was pretty positive I was pregnant he was in disbelief but was happy. You were a happy baby that I could tell. I didn't get sick while I was pregnant with you or your brother. I also loved going to the store and looking at little girls clothing and picking out cute little outfits that I wanted to buy for you and what colors you would wear and how cute you would look in everything. You liked everything i ate and somethings I really didn't like til I was pregnant with you. Every night the puppy would come lay by my tummy and protect you from everything. Lydia the puppy loved my little growing baby belly.

On September 3, 2013 I felt weird the kind of weird I felt with your brother and sadly I new what was happening. You were so loved and so wanted but God wanted you more. So on that day you went home. That night as I lay my head down and cried when i finally fell asleep I had a dream and I saw you and your brother. Oh how fun it was to see you happy little faces. You and your brother were holding hands and laughing. Oh how that made me smile and I had to wipe away the tears. I love you so much my little princess and I am so thankful that I am your momma! I cant wait til I see you one day in Heaven!

"I love you forever,
I'll like you for always;
As long as I am living,
My baby you will be." I love you forever by Robert Munsch